For those of you who spend any time on Facebook, there has been a lot of news about the new app, Pokemon Go. There was a time, when my son was little, that I could reel off the names of the first 150 Pokemon as easily as I could recite the periodic table. (and yes, I can still recite the periodic table. I am a nerd). So when I saw a post saying that the game was now available in Canada, I was curious.
The app is free. (still justifying). So I downloaded it to see what it was all about.
The first thing it asked me to do was pick a name. Simple enough. Then it allowed me to pick clothing items for my avatar. Right up my alley. Soon I was nattily attired in a sporty blue and white ensemble and ready to look for Pokemon. Instantly, a Charmander appeared right in my living room. I threw a couple of poke balls at it and I was the proud owner of this cute little guy.
I felt like one of the cool kids. But it was night time and I am basically lazy, so I turned it off and binge watched The Killing on Netflix for the rest of the evening.
Next day. I checked my living room again in the morning, but sadly, there were no Pokemon hanging out there this time. I was going to have to go outside. But frankly, I am a fifty year old woman living in a small town and I didn't really want anyone to see me wandering around trying to catch little virtual monsters on my phone. So I compromised.
I had some errands to run. So I decided to drive to my various errands. Check at each stop from the privacy of my car to see if anything was there, and retain some dignity. At least publicly. First stop, the library. Something told me that this would be a hot spot of activity. I mean the game is trying to encourage kids to get outside and explore the World, right?. What better place to encourage them to go than the library.?
Sure enough, I caught a Weedle from the comfort of my car in the parking lot. Then I realized that the library was also a PokeStop, a place where I could "level up" and collect more poke balls for my arsenal. But apparently, the parking lot was too far away. I needed to walk up to the front door. Hmmm.
I got out of the car and tried to look casual as I walked to the front of the building. There were two teenagers and a nine year old boy, obviously there for the same reason as I. So I just headed for the front door. Which was locked. Shit. I forgot that our library is closed on Mondays. I wandered over to the bench in front of the place and sat down, trying to look like I was pondering politics or something suitably adult. I glanced at my phone and it was doing Pokemon Go type things, but I needed to buy time. I put my phone to my ear and spoke loudly into dead air.
"Hey." Pause, as though someone else was talking back to me.
"Yeah, it's closed on Mondays."
"No."
"No."
"O.K. I'll have to do it tomorrow, I guess. Just wanted to let you know."
"Yup. Ok. See you tonight."
I snuck a quick peek. Success! I put my phone firmly in my purse, walked back to my car and drove away. I'm pretty sure I fooled everybody.
Next stop, the Vape Store. No Pokemon lurking in the parking lot here. But I felt that was a good thing. Don't want to encourage our youth to congregate here! On to Old Navy!
Old Navy was a positive bonanza! Again, this seemed like a good thing. Encourage the kids to get their preppy on at reasonable prices! Although.... I suppose there are geopolitical ramifications and the strong likelihood of the economic subjugation of Third World Countries to consider when purchasing inexpensive shirts, Maybe not so good. But I digress. A Magikarp popped up on my steering wheel. I got so excited that I missed it three times. It disappeared. Bummer.
I went inside to exchange a shirt for my Mother-in-law and while I was waiting, I checked the app to see if any other Pokemon were nearby. There were indications that several were lurking in the plaza. So I walked along the storefronts, holding my phone in an extremely awkward right side up, facing forward position down at my side so no one would know what I was doing. It vibrated. A Pidgey! I totally lost my cool and just went ahead and caught it. My shame temporarily vanished and I caught a Caterpie too.
Driving home, I was curious to see how frequently I would encounter Pokemon. So I left the app open and propped the phone in my cupholder and set off. Now, I am a responsible adult. I've heard about the idiots who had driven into trees and off cliffs playing the game while driving. I had no intention of reacting if the app buzzed. I just wanted to know how far I would need to travel between sightings.
The drive home was 12 km. My phone was buzzing and beeping pretty regularly, but I was going 80 km/hour. So, although it seemed like those fuckers were everywhere, on foot, you would have to walk a fair distance to encounter that many. The best part was glancing over to see my avatar running like hell in the cupholder as I sped along.
When I got home, I promptly messaged my son about the new Pokemon I had caught. Just so he would know exactly how on fleek I was. He was impressed by the Charmander. He also expressed admiration for the Weedle and told me some interesting facts about what it would evolve into. He gave up pretending to care when I told him about the Pidgey. There was zero response to my news about Caterpie. Clearly the bonding experience was over.
To be honest, it was kind of fun. But to be really honest, my curiosity is satisfied and it is unlikely that I will go so far as to take an actual walk holding my phone out in front of me to catch more. I have little to no interest in doing whatever you have to do to evolve the damn things. Like, I'm not going to feed them, or train them or any such bullshit. My parenting years are behind me. And I'm definitely not interested in battling with them.
So now what? Are they dying in my phone because I am neglecting them? Shit. What have I done? Is there a way to release these things back into the virtual wild? I really didn't think this through. Which only goes to show that I should have just stuck to knitting.
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